The Confusing In-Between

As many of you know I have been reading (slowly) through Pete Scazzero's EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY and it has been a HUGE blessing in my life recently. As I have been reading through the chapter entitled "Enlarge Your Soul Through Grief and Loss" he introduces the concept of "Wait in the Confusing In-Between". I love when someone gives a name or title to something that I have been feeling but am unable to articulate. Scazzero writes, "My greatest challenge in following Jesus Christ for over thirty years has been waiting on God when things are confusing." To that I say amen.

As a person I tend to be wired as a "fixer". A fixer is a person who tries to fix something when things don't go the way he/she plans (especially when they are out of his/her control). Simply put, I am a man of little patience and I dislike not being in control of certain situations. I know and believe Psalm 37:7 (Be still and know I am God) but I find it hard to flesh out in my life. I don't like to wait in general but I really don't like waiting when I am uncertain of things around me. The confusing in-between is a place where I find myself often and I need to have patience in this place. Peter Scazzero writes, "The confusing in-between resists all earthly categories and quick solutions. It runs contrary to our Western culture that pervades our spirituality."

Lord, give me peace and patience in the confusing in-betweens so I may truly be still and know you are God.

Some Excellent Free Resources

I came across two resources from Pastor John Piper that I would like to share with you.

The first is John Piper's new book BLOODLINES which is a fantastic read on race, racism and Christianity. Dr. Piper gets very personal with his upbringing as a young Christian in the south and how God dealt with his racism. Click the link below to download a PDF of the book.

John Piper's New Book Bloodlines Ebook

The second is a four minute video clip on fighting bitterness. This clip challenged me greatly and hit the core of my need to learn forgiveness and overcome bitterness. Be prepared to be challenged by this...

Fighting Bitterness

Like A Ton Of Bricks

I have been reading the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero for nearly a half year. The reason it has taken me so long is because there is a LOT of meat in this book to chew on. I have been trudging through it slowly so as not to miss any morsel that God has placed on my spiritual plate.

Today I read one FULL chapter (yes it was so good I couldn’t put it down) and I was completely blessed. I feel led today to share one area where God really hit me today and share it with you. The Chapter title is “Going Back in Order to Go Forward: Breaking the Power of the Past”. In this chapter Scazzero talks about how our past directly shapes our future. He uses the family as the crux of his chapter as to how we need to deal with some of our baggage from the past (or “imprints” in our lives that cause us to act a certain way) in order for us to move forward.

Without getting into the full details of the chapter I want to focus on one section titled THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF YOUR FAMILY. He writes, “We often underestimate the deep, unconscious imprint our families of origin leave on us. In fact, my observation is that it is only as we grow older that we realize the depth of their influences. Each of our family members, or those who raised us through childhood, has ‘imprinted’ certain ways of behaving and thinking into us. These behavioral patterns operate under a set of ‘commandments.’ Some of them are spoken and explicit. Most are unspoken.”[1]

As I chewed on this I not only read it in the context of our biological family history and baggage but I also read it in the context of the following “Ten Commandments” that are ingrained in our hearts and minds can also be said about our Church family we are part of as well.

Many of these “Commandments” are “hardwired into our brains” that we so often bring these expectations to our family (church) and ultimately it shapes (not in a healthy way) who we are and how we fit into the body of Christ.

1. MONEY
• Money is the best source of security.
• The more money you have, the more important you are.
• Make lots of money to prove you “made” it.
2. CONFLICT
• Avoid conflict at all costs.
• Don’t get people mad at you.
• Loud, angry, constant fighting is normal.
3. SEX
• Sex is not to be spoken about openly.
• Men can be promiscuous, women must be chase.
• Sexuality in marriage will come easily.
4. GRIEF AND LOSS
• Sadness is a sign of weakness.
• You are not allowed to be depressed.
• Get over losses quickly and move on.
5. EXPRESSING ANGER
• Anger is dangerous and bad.
• Exploding in anger makes a point.
• Sarcasm is an acceptable way to release anger.
6. FAMILY
• You owe your parents for all they’ve done for you.
• Don’t speak of your family’s “dirty laundry” in public.
• Duty to family and culture comes before everything.
7. RELATIONSHIPS
• Don’t trust people. They will let you down.
• Nobody will ever hurt me again.
• Don’t show vulnerability.
8. ATTITUDES TOWARDS DIFFERENT CULTURES
• Only be close friends with people who are like you.
• Do not marry a person of another race or culture.
• Certain cultures/races are not as good as mine.
9. SUCCESS
• Is getting into the “best schools”.
• Is making lots of money.
• Is getting married and having lots of children.
10. FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
• You are not allowed to have certain feelings.
• Your feelings are not important.
• Reacting with your feelings without thinking is okay.[2]

As time permits I would like to look over the next few days/weeks each commandment and write a little bit about them. The end goal is to see how we can have a healthy spiritual and emotional view of the church thus becoming an emotionally healthy spiritual church family.

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[1] Scazzero, Peter, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Nashville, TN Thomas Nelson, 2006 ), p.90

[2] Ibid 90, 91

Healthy Leadership

5 Signs of Healthy Leadership Teams.

1) They trust one another - Without trust a team cannot function effectively.

2) They engage in healthy conflict around ideas - Contrary to popular belief conflict is not always bad as long as it is healthy. If you do not trust one another there will like be unhealthy conflict or apathy.

3) They commit to decisions and plans of action - The key word here is commit. Teams make decisions together and they stick to them.

4) They hold one another accountable - With trust, healthy conflict and commitment present then teams will have the freedom to hold one another accountable.

5) They focus on achieving collective results