Like A Ton Of Bricks

I have been reading the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero for nearly a half year. The reason it has taken me so long is because there is a LOT of meat in this book to chew on. I have been trudging through it slowly so as not to miss any morsel that God has placed on my spiritual plate.

Today I read one FULL chapter (yes it was so good I couldn’t put it down) and I was completely blessed. I feel led today to share one area where God really hit me today and share it with you. The Chapter title is “Going Back in Order to Go Forward: Breaking the Power of the Past”. In this chapter Scazzero talks about how our past directly shapes our future. He uses the family as the crux of his chapter as to how we need to deal with some of our baggage from the past (or “imprints” in our lives that cause us to act a certain way) in order for us to move forward.

Without getting into the full details of the chapter I want to focus on one section titled THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF YOUR FAMILY. He writes, “We often underestimate the deep, unconscious imprint our families of origin leave on us. In fact, my observation is that it is only as we grow older that we realize the depth of their influences. Each of our family members, or those who raised us through childhood, has ‘imprinted’ certain ways of behaving and thinking into us. These behavioral patterns operate under a set of ‘commandments.’ Some of them are spoken and explicit. Most are unspoken.”[1]

As I chewed on this I not only read it in the context of our biological family history and baggage but I also read it in the context of the following “Ten Commandments” that are ingrained in our hearts and minds can also be said about our Church family we are part of as well.

Many of these “Commandments” are “hardwired into our brains” that we so often bring these expectations to our family (church) and ultimately it shapes (not in a healthy way) who we are and how we fit into the body of Christ.

1. MONEY
• Money is the best source of security.
• The more money you have, the more important you are.
• Make lots of money to prove you “made” it.
2. CONFLICT
• Avoid conflict at all costs.
• Don’t get people mad at you.
• Loud, angry, constant fighting is normal.
3. SEX
• Sex is not to be spoken about openly.
• Men can be promiscuous, women must be chase.
• Sexuality in marriage will come easily.
4. GRIEF AND LOSS
• Sadness is a sign of weakness.
• You are not allowed to be depressed.
• Get over losses quickly and move on.
5. EXPRESSING ANGER
• Anger is dangerous and bad.
• Exploding in anger makes a point.
• Sarcasm is an acceptable way to release anger.
6. FAMILY
• You owe your parents for all they’ve done for you.
• Don’t speak of your family’s “dirty laundry” in public.
• Duty to family and culture comes before everything.
7. RELATIONSHIPS
• Don’t trust people. They will let you down.
• Nobody will ever hurt me again.
• Don’t show vulnerability.
8. ATTITUDES TOWARDS DIFFERENT CULTURES
• Only be close friends with people who are like you.
• Do not marry a person of another race or culture.
• Certain cultures/races are not as good as mine.
9. SUCCESS
• Is getting into the “best schools”.
• Is making lots of money.
• Is getting married and having lots of children.
10. FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
• You are not allowed to have certain feelings.
• Your feelings are not important.
• Reacting with your feelings without thinking is okay.[2]

As time permits I would like to look over the next few days/weeks each commandment and write a little bit about them. The end goal is to see how we can have a healthy spiritual and emotional view of the church thus becoming an emotionally healthy spiritual church family.

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[1] Scazzero, Peter, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Nashville, TN Thomas Nelson, 2006 ), p.90

[2] Ibid 90, 91